Want to Kill The Romance In Your Marriage, Have A Baby…

“It is very important for new parents to set aside time for each other.”

A familiar phrase I played on repeat to every new and or soon-to-be parent out there, but now that I’m a new mum, I need to practise what I’ve been preaching. I’ve come to realize that my BABY BLUES came from the fact that my life has now changed forever. Not in a bad way, but in a different way, especially in my marriage. Within the past month, I’ve noticed that my relationship with my husband has taken a back seat to the baby and rightfully so. He’s the number 1 priority in our lives right now and I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with, is that my marriage feels like it’s dropped off the number scale and is priority non existent!

Don’t get me wrong, the hubs has been great and is making an extreme effort to do what he feels is helping me out as a newly stay at home mom with an infant. Because I can’t care for myself during the day while I’m taking care of the baby, he tries to get home early from work so he can help out around the house. He does the dishes, has no problems picking up food or things I crave, does the laundry and is great with our little guy. He’s a fantastic father, an extremely supportive husband in his own right BUT…and yes there’s a BIG but… I’m not getting what I need as a woman, as his wife.

So here lies the problem.

1.Communication. I’m home all day with a 1 month old. The extent of my communication doesn’t go beyond diapering, feeding, cutie pie talk with someone who just looks at you with blank vacant eyes. I might as well be talking to the wall. So imagine my delight when I have another adult in the room with me whom understands words, but, in my case I might as well be talking to a wall because my husband has the same blank vacant stare his son gives me. After a long day at work, I suppose “communicating” is the last thing on his mind. He just wants to fill his empty stomach and rest his heavy eyes where as I want to finally have some sort of adult interaction.

2.Date Night. Ok, we never really had date night before the baby but we did do outings which we don’t can’t do anymore without the baby. And when the baby tags along, I find myself nursing him in the backseat of the car or spending more time in the bathroom feeding and changing his diapers rather than enjoying time with my husband. We walk separately because one walks with the stroller and one will lead the way. We always have something in our hands other than each others hands, usually a diaper bag or a pacifier. Our attention is on the baby which means it’s not on each other.

3.Physical Affection. The nightly back rubs and foot rubs I used to get when I was pregnant has disappeared. Truth is, physically, I’m more tired and in more pain now, but my husband doesn’t see me waddle around with a 10 pound lump on me anymore so he doesn’t see my discomfort. When we lay down at night while the baby sleeps, all we want to do is sleep. And if we even make an attempt to cuddle, we’re quickly torn apart by a crying hungry or dirty baby. A brief kiss good bye before work is the extent of our physical affection. Not only that but the lack of sex has played a toll as well.

So what to do…what to do… the more time passes by, the more I find myself falling into a deeper depression and anger starts to build towards my husband. The once urge to find romance again is slowly being replaced by the feeling of let down and slowly I feel my white flag come out.


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